Post by managermike99 on Jul 30, 2014 7:41:23 GMT -5
The Grindhouse
Here at TBA we grew tired of watching competitors put out unintentionally bad show after bad show. But we've decided to do something about it.
TheGrindhouse, an intentionally bad show.
Welcome back to the drive-in theatre where sexual and violent exploitation was commonplace long before MTV videos. It runs the gammut from amazon girls with machine guns, to aliens in silver space suits, to 50 foot women in bikinis, cosmic ray-guns, and the occasional giant sized amphibian or rodent, all packaged with a story line written very late at night while probably on a bender.
~episode guide~
1.01 Smith & Westin
Back in the 1970's this folk music duo were the darlings of the hippy movement. Fast forward though to 2009 and Smith is one pissed off flowerchild. Westin sold out, made a ton of money on corporate arena rock and is now living on his own private island near Antigua with a bevy of leather clad bimbos to take care of his every need or want. The last straw comes when the Peace Valley Commune is foreclosed on by the bank after failing to make payments. It seems that the commune was being kept open through the 50% of the royalties pledged from Smith off his music catalogue. But now Westin has bought that out from under him and over 50 hippies find themselves tossed out on to the mean streets of Albany New York with no means to live, and no street skills.
Smith says there will be hell to pay, and is packing plenty of heat as he heads to Westin's little paradise in the Carribean. Can he talk some sense into his former friend or can he and his companion Sally (Westin's former girlfriend, now an outspoken member of Women in Comfortable Shoes) even get past the deceivingly deadly leather vixxens of this pleasure island, to give
Westin the final ultimatum; Will it be peace and love? or Flesh and blood?
1.02 - Talking Heads
In modern America even politics has to be entertainment. Both sides know this, Democrats and Republicans, and both hire talking heads to deal out the body blows to John Q Public absorbing what comes over the boob tube.
But now Nancy Shallot, an unusually pretty blonde woman for a right wing shock pundit has pissed off the wrong man.
Bubba Blankenshift has lived his life with the insults, it comes with the territory when you are an overweight, African-American, who talks with a lisp and walks with a limp, and was adopted and still lives with a Jewish family. But when Miss Shallot hits all those buttons in one sentence on her weekly right wing TV show, something snaps inside the frail mind of Bubba.
It's going to take more then a couple bodyguards in Armani tuexedos, and foaming at the mouth Dobermans to keep Bubba from his prey. But the surprise is on Blankenshift when he finally confronts Nancy Shallot and her terribly obese and prejudiced right-wing nutjob husband Lefty Eagleson in their palatial manison in the hills.
It all begins to make sense to Bubba when he seems them transform into their alien forms, Nancy into a 12 headed medusa dragon, and Lefty into an entire tribe of deadly rolling pygmies. The only questions that remain are has Bubba packed enough heat to finish the job? And where is that group of bubbly cheerleaders to inexplicably appear just when we need them most?
1.03 - The Kindergarten Teacher & The Street WalkerSomeone has been abducting the children of Ronald Reagan High School in Kansas City, Missouri. In any other neighborhood this would be front page news, but in this impoverished neighborhood of 2018, and with America in the worst depression since the dirty 30's, things like this get buried because the human psyche can only handle so much misery before it shatters forever.
But first year Kindergarten teacher Yaz Hickey isn't worried about a few broken promises of elected officials, she's worried about the ghetto children who see her as their light. When she tracks down the abductions to the seedy dock district she has no idea what she is up against.
But as luck would have it the first soul she rescues was that of "Cherry" a street walker who just happened to pick up the wrong kind of John. After being taught some manners by Yaz and Cherry the John reveals his true nature which includes four arms which would explain his fondness for groping. The bug-eyed John manages to scurry away wounded into an abandoned warehouse.
Yaz & Cherry get lock and loaded and enter the warehouse ready to exterminate the overgrown mutant bugmen and take back their neighborhood. Will they be successful, and how much of their sanity, not to mention clothing, will they have left even if they are?
1.04 - Clones Are People Two
Stanley Burkowski's life was not all it was cracked up to be 15 years after graduating from high school, class of 2009. His job fixing robots was slowly being phased out by robots themselves, and his wife had gone from being simply a goody two shoes to a full fledged puritain. Stanley had grown so tired of his wife's lack of interest in him when the lights were out that he was in the process of secretly preparing divorce papers.
The only thing that held him back from serving those papers was that in someways he still loved his wife, and wanted to support her as she went through a difficult time. It would happen in this strange and cruel world that his wife Iris had been chosen by the government to be cloned. It had seemed like a wonderful idea when the aliens invaded hoping to harvest some of earth's people for their own use (somehow the aliens seemed to pick only the best looking females), that the government made peace with an unusual proposition. They would clone any 1,000 women that the aliens chose each year, then after the government tested them, the aliens would return to take posssesion of the clones.
Rumor had it that the aliens had introduced some genetic changes to the clones, to make the women more "subservient" then their human counterparts.
This posed a big moral problem though for some women like Iris who still believed in God (despite the aliens so called proof that he did not exist), and thought this cloning to be sinful. However, with the choice being clone or go live with aliens herself even Iris had folded and allowed herself to be cloned.
Something though went wrong. When Iris returned to the Burkowski residence after having been cloned, studied, debriefed, and then psychollogically assesed, she was different then before. Her appetite for her husband was so strong, and she was so agreeable that Stanley burned the divorce papers. But when Iris' needs for life's abundance went beyond the boundaries of her own bungaloo Stanley finally admitted to himself what he had refused to acknowledge. The hussy of a clone had escaped and was living Iris' life. Iris must still be on the Alien Clone farm.
One morning after sleeping in because his wife's clone had kept him up all night Stanley finally provided his corporation the reason they needed to let him go. With nothing left to live for Burkowski used his meager severance pay to buy himself a small arsenal.
The plan is simple; subdue the clone pretending to be his lovely wife, load her up in his Pinto Convertible, and head to the Clone Farm (the finishing and testing plant), to get back his wife, new divorce papers waiting in the glove compartment. The only catch, besides the hundreds of government cloned security guards, was that time was running out until the aliens would land to gather the harvest. With this much action going on there isn't much plot room left for dialogue. Go Stanley Go.
1.05 - Ruby, Mississippi
Every good turn deserves another, a fine motto to live by if you are a trucker like Evytt Marshall, born and raised with a bible in one hand and a shotgun in the other. That might explain why even though his gut instinct told him not to pick up that rain soaked hitchiker and his dog, the entrepeneur, driver, and sole owner of Evrytt Marshall Trucking did anyway, allowing the man and his dog to have a nap in the back of his 18 wheeler.
Later that night Evrytt had the misfortune of rolling through Ruby, Mississippi on his way to Jacksonville. The town seemed like a typical, quaint southern town, but instead turned out to be more of a typical southern town from a bad movie.
Evrytt breaks up a fight at the local gas station, unfortunately making an enemy out of the town's patriarch Joe Byrd. Suddenly things seems to conspire against Evrytt until by nightfall he finds himself with a broken down truck and in a prison cell with no trial forthcoming.
The forgotten hitchiker suddenly appears to try and bail out Evrytt. When the Sheriff deputies panic and try and throw the stranger into the cell as well, he shows Evrytt why his guts told him this man was bad news. Two dead deputies later, and Evrytt finds himself with a shotgun in hand, running through town with a stranger blowing away Byrd's loyal goons. As if that isn't enough the hitcher's dog is right in there with the two men, body for body.
When the smoke clears the neutral townsfolk are hiding in their homes while all Bryrd's men have gone to meet their maker. As they walk to get his rig, Evrytt tells the hitcher he's crazy, this was madness. The hitcher just laughs as they walk over to the town graveyard, and the hitcher points to where they were already digging his grave. Confused Evrytt asks the man how he knew, and the stranger says, because I've been down this road before, and every bad turn deserves another.
1.06 - The Devil's Playground
Two young unmarried couples are treking through the southwest to get away from the pressure of their college schedules. Despite the unrelenting heat and the warnings of locals the foolhardy, thrillseeking, and intensely physical foursome decide to cross a relatively small section of desert referred to as The Devil's Playground.
Local legend has it that as part of some plea bargain the Devil himself is allowed to roam only this small section of land and prey on anyone who was warned but decided to tempt fate. The college crew speculate on why the locals really don't want any one crossing this area, ideas such as lost treasure, aliens, and even an illegal desert beer party are suggested. No one happens to mention evil incarnate.
Soon the distance begins to wear on the group and they are forced to camp at night. All is well until the clock strikes midnight (loud and clear, which is weird since obviously there is no clock around). The eerie sound wakes the couples up, and swirling bats, raised wind, and the sound of hoofprints approaching are enough to spook them into action. Remembering having passed a dry well and a crumbling half wall of bricks a few hundred yards back, they decide to run in hopes of shelter.
The steed is obsidian black, with curves that disappear against the night sky. The rider sits staunch upright, impossibly tall and broad shouldered, eyes glowing red, horned helmet a tribute to the twisted thoughts of mankind.
Despite their superior athletic ability they are no match for the rider and his scimitar, the curved blade finding a home in first one and then the second man's heart.
He is toying with them but the women survive long enough to get their Daisy Duke clad legs, into the dry well, using the rope hanging in the middle to slow their descent.
At the bottom of the well they hear the cries of anguish from above, they have survived the devil's clutches, at least temporarily. As their soft blue eyes adjust to the darkness they realize they are not alone, judging by two other sets of yellow eyes twinkling before them. A soft blue light soon eminates from the hands of the shorter of the two creatures; half-man, half twisted scientific nightmares. They reveal to the girls that they are the Devil's pawns and they are going to score points by returning them to the surface for him to devour, as he is limited to the ground above. Thinking quickly they turn to evil's propensity for gluttony, lust, and envy and entice the pawns with their earthly charms.
The blue light is extinguished and we hear some movement and some panting before the girls say they have a surprise for the pawns. The pawns uneasy with that scenario chicken out and the blue light illuminates the bottom of the well once more. The Devil's two minions gasp as they see themselves face to face with a pair of grotesque shape changing dooplegangers who reach out and rip the hearts out from the pawns. They laugh, change back into the girls they were before and one says to the other, "now we just have to wait until dawn when the devil will be gone and we will be free to get out of here." To which the other replies in a sexy, naughty voice, "whatever will we do to entertain us in the meantime". Evil laughter.
1.07 - Best Served Cold
The man they call Stryker has made his peace with the world, or at least come to grips with the violence that he has wrought. Awaiting his turn for the lethal injection in the year 2020 isn't nearly as bad as decades ago. The constitution guarantees a speedy trial process, and if you evoke those rights you now also limit the length of your appeal process. It's a catch 22 though because if you don't evoke your right to a speedy trial you could wait in a prison for up to two years awaiting trial.
Stryker took his chances, and as usual rolled snake eyes.
He had heard the crazy rumors about this place but failed to believe them. Not sure what difference it might have been except a man who believes he will die in 30 days is a lot less likely to take care of himself then a man who is about to fight for his life.
Stryker doesn't remember any light coming for him as the drugs coursed through his veins and he fully expected to meet his maker...but he does remember the lights and the pounding headache when he awoke in a private infirmiry surrounded by the warden, the doctor, and the head of the screws.
It was all true. Some sort of evil, perhaps mythological, creature lived under the prison in a series of catacombs it had burrowed. As the doctor prepares Stryker for one final round of violence, the warden explains the situation.
Only in this hell hole can he and the screws get away with the kind of punishment and discipline they use to rule the prisoners. Discipline that Stryker wears all over his body in the form of scars and still open wounds. Once this place is closed down and moved to a more modern facility with proper electronic surveillance the glory days will be gone. So reporting the creature or even the catacombs would result in disaster for the warden. However, they have discovered that as long as the creature's hunger is satisfied that he does not try and burrow into the complex. Sending down two or three death row prisoners every week already presumed dead has seemed to have done the trick. There is the tricky part of not having a body, but most of the prisoners, like Stryker, have no family that cares for the expense of a proper burial. They are thrilled when the state offers to cremate the prisoner free of charge.
The doctor injects Stryker with a double shot of adreneline and the head screw keeps his gun aimed right at the back of the prisoner's head.
Thus, Stryker, like many of society's lost souls is sent to do battle against the unknown creature. As he begins to make his way through the catacombs Stryker remembers what the warden said about the prison not having proper electronic surveillance. He wonders aloud how they would react if he just turned around and took the fight to them. He stops, and begins to turn when he smells it and hears it at the same time..the roar...the breath poisoned by rotting flesh in its teeth...
1.08 - Wearing the Pants in the Family
When an innocent courier tries to do the right thing and tips the FBI to suspected terrorists after he delivered a package to them, the Feds jam him up on charges instead.
It's up to his sexy yet deadly wife to rescue him by proving his innocence. First she uses her charms to get the information she needs, then she uses the real big guns to exact out the revenge on the Muslim terrorists. She's determined not to make the same mistake as her husband though and simply tip off the feds, instead she has brought with her a duffle bag for evidence....lots of evidence.
1.09 Chop Radio
A small tme DJ working the midnight shift comes under siege as the world around him explodes into violence. As he barracades his doors and fights off an infestation of other worldly beasts and demons he tries to stay on the air and gather information from viewers calling in during this apparent apocolypse. His ultimate salvation seems to center around the pending arrival of a couple sexy sounding sorority girls from up state trying to make their way to the radio station with more guns and ammo. Yes, it sounds suspicious and too good to be true, and that's exactly what our hero worries about as he asks himself, what choice do I have?
1.10 Blonde Bombshells
Rick Andrews is not just any whacked out religious cult leader, he's a religious cult leader who combines the best of science and revelations. To this end he takes his life's savings (and the life savings of his followers), and retires to a private island along with 100 natural blondes (52 female, 48 male).
Driven to insanity by a study which shows that blondes will be extint in a little less then 200 years, he is devising a utopia to keep the fair hair people alive.
This however does not sit well with Jon Bjornsson, Swedish by birth, whose only daughter is one of the 52 young ladies to follow Andrews from his compound to the new island.
The good news is that since Andrews is no longer living in the United States, the legal problems Bjornsson was having trying to get his 22 year old daughter away no longer apply.
This pissed off father gathers his shotguns, and his two sons, and heads to the island of blondes to get his only daughter back. But what he might be failing to take into account is how his two fair sons will react when they encounter this blonde tropical utopia, and their charismic leader.
Will Bjornsson gain a daughter, or lose two sons?
1.11 - Blood Bowl
Brandon Buckner is a typical all-American teenager. He likes baseball, rugby, riding his bike, dreams of owning his own car, sneaks a peak at Playboys, and is obsessed with comic books.
But Brandon's life changes when he finds a worm-hole that transports him to a mediveal parallel world of magic and might.
The poor teenager finds himself as part of a bloody and violent competiton known as Blood Bowl.
Now he must take an underdog team of misfits; a cowardly Knight, a hot Valkrie princess, a pair of siamese twin dwarfs, and other assorted rabble against an undefeated team of Orcs and a Dragon Overlord in this deadly contest. Brandon has foolishly been tricked into becoming the team Captain not knowing that the price of losing is the head of the captain.
The Warlock Baron who owns the lands and the Bloodbowl team Brandon finds himself teleported onto, has promised the youngster that if he wins he will allow him to return to his Earth. But Brandon finds out from the Valkrye that he is being tricked and that if in the unlikely event that Brandon's team should win, he will be bound in servitude to the Baron and forced to continue his role as Captain of the BloodBowl team.
Brandon must face the choice of staying and fighting for glory, or attempting a daring escape led by the scantily clad Valkrye princess who wants to flee with him to Earth, leaving the team behind to a certain loss.
It's time to get medieval.
note; BloodBowl has also been noted as a possible spin-off show of its own in 2007-08.
Here at TBA we grew tired of watching competitors put out unintentionally bad show after bad show. But we've decided to do something about it.
TheGrindhouse, an intentionally bad show.
Welcome back to the drive-in theatre where sexual and violent exploitation was commonplace long before MTV videos. It runs the gammut from amazon girls with machine guns, to aliens in silver space suits, to 50 foot women in bikinis, cosmic ray-guns, and the occasional giant sized amphibian or rodent, all packaged with a story line written very late at night while probably on a bender.
~episode guide~
1.01 Smith & Westin
Back in the 1970's this folk music duo were the darlings of the hippy movement. Fast forward though to 2009 and Smith is one pissed off flowerchild. Westin sold out, made a ton of money on corporate arena rock and is now living on his own private island near Antigua with a bevy of leather clad bimbos to take care of his every need or want. The last straw comes when the Peace Valley Commune is foreclosed on by the bank after failing to make payments. It seems that the commune was being kept open through the 50% of the royalties pledged from Smith off his music catalogue. But now Westin has bought that out from under him and over 50 hippies find themselves tossed out on to the mean streets of Albany New York with no means to live, and no street skills.
Smith says there will be hell to pay, and is packing plenty of heat as he heads to Westin's little paradise in the Carribean. Can he talk some sense into his former friend or can he and his companion Sally (Westin's former girlfriend, now an outspoken member of Women in Comfortable Shoes) even get past the deceivingly deadly leather vixxens of this pleasure island, to give
Westin the final ultimatum; Will it be peace and love? or Flesh and blood?
1.02 - Talking Heads
In modern America even politics has to be entertainment. Both sides know this, Democrats and Republicans, and both hire talking heads to deal out the body blows to John Q Public absorbing what comes over the boob tube.
But now Nancy Shallot, an unusually pretty blonde woman for a right wing shock pundit has pissed off the wrong man.
Bubba Blankenshift has lived his life with the insults, it comes with the territory when you are an overweight, African-American, who talks with a lisp and walks with a limp, and was adopted and still lives with a Jewish family. But when Miss Shallot hits all those buttons in one sentence on her weekly right wing TV show, something snaps inside the frail mind of Bubba.
It's going to take more then a couple bodyguards in Armani tuexedos, and foaming at the mouth Dobermans to keep Bubba from his prey. But the surprise is on Blankenshift when he finally confronts Nancy Shallot and her terribly obese and prejudiced right-wing nutjob husband Lefty Eagleson in their palatial manison in the hills.
It all begins to make sense to Bubba when he seems them transform into their alien forms, Nancy into a 12 headed medusa dragon, and Lefty into an entire tribe of deadly rolling pygmies. The only questions that remain are has Bubba packed enough heat to finish the job? And where is that group of bubbly cheerleaders to inexplicably appear just when we need them most?
1.03 - The Kindergarten Teacher & The Street WalkerSomeone has been abducting the children of Ronald Reagan High School in Kansas City, Missouri. In any other neighborhood this would be front page news, but in this impoverished neighborhood of 2018, and with America in the worst depression since the dirty 30's, things like this get buried because the human psyche can only handle so much misery before it shatters forever.
But first year Kindergarten teacher Yaz Hickey isn't worried about a few broken promises of elected officials, she's worried about the ghetto children who see her as their light. When she tracks down the abductions to the seedy dock district she has no idea what she is up against.
But as luck would have it the first soul she rescues was that of "Cherry" a street walker who just happened to pick up the wrong kind of John. After being taught some manners by Yaz and Cherry the John reveals his true nature which includes four arms which would explain his fondness for groping. The bug-eyed John manages to scurry away wounded into an abandoned warehouse.
Yaz & Cherry get lock and loaded and enter the warehouse ready to exterminate the overgrown mutant bugmen and take back their neighborhood. Will they be successful, and how much of their sanity, not to mention clothing, will they have left even if they are?
1.04 - Clones Are People Two
Stanley Burkowski's life was not all it was cracked up to be 15 years after graduating from high school, class of 2009. His job fixing robots was slowly being phased out by robots themselves, and his wife had gone from being simply a goody two shoes to a full fledged puritain. Stanley had grown so tired of his wife's lack of interest in him when the lights were out that he was in the process of secretly preparing divorce papers.
The only thing that held him back from serving those papers was that in someways he still loved his wife, and wanted to support her as she went through a difficult time. It would happen in this strange and cruel world that his wife Iris had been chosen by the government to be cloned. It had seemed like a wonderful idea when the aliens invaded hoping to harvest some of earth's people for their own use (somehow the aliens seemed to pick only the best looking females), that the government made peace with an unusual proposition. They would clone any 1,000 women that the aliens chose each year, then after the government tested them, the aliens would return to take posssesion of the clones.
Rumor had it that the aliens had introduced some genetic changes to the clones, to make the women more "subservient" then their human counterparts.
This posed a big moral problem though for some women like Iris who still believed in God (despite the aliens so called proof that he did not exist), and thought this cloning to be sinful. However, with the choice being clone or go live with aliens herself even Iris had folded and allowed herself to be cloned.
Something though went wrong. When Iris returned to the Burkowski residence after having been cloned, studied, debriefed, and then psychollogically assesed, she was different then before. Her appetite for her husband was so strong, and she was so agreeable that Stanley burned the divorce papers. But when Iris' needs for life's abundance went beyond the boundaries of her own bungaloo Stanley finally admitted to himself what he had refused to acknowledge. The hussy of a clone had escaped and was living Iris' life. Iris must still be on the Alien Clone farm.
One morning after sleeping in because his wife's clone had kept him up all night Stanley finally provided his corporation the reason they needed to let him go. With nothing left to live for Burkowski used his meager severance pay to buy himself a small arsenal.
The plan is simple; subdue the clone pretending to be his lovely wife, load her up in his Pinto Convertible, and head to the Clone Farm (the finishing and testing plant), to get back his wife, new divorce papers waiting in the glove compartment. The only catch, besides the hundreds of government cloned security guards, was that time was running out until the aliens would land to gather the harvest. With this much action going on there isn't much plot room left for dialogue. Go Stanley Go.
1.05 - Ruby, Mississippi
Every good turn deserves another, a fine motto to live by if you are a trucker like Evytt Marshall, born and raised with a bible in one hand and a shotgun in the other. That might explain why even though his gut instinct told him not to pick up that rain soaked hitchiker and his dog, the entrepeneur, driver, and sole owner of Evrytt Marshall Trucking did anyway, allowing the man and his dog to have a nap in the back of his 18 wheeler.
Later that night Evrytt had the misfortune of rolling through Ruby, Mississippi on his way to Jacksonville. The town seemed like a typical, quaint southern town, but instead turned out to be more of a typical southern town from a bad movie.
Evrytt breaks up a fight at the local gas station, unfortunately making an enemy out of the town's patriarch Joe Byrd. Suddenly things seems to conspire against Evrytt until by nightfall he finds himself with a broken down truck and in a prison cell with no trial forthcoming.
The forgotten hitchiker suddenly appears to try and bail out Evrytt. When the Sheriff deputies panic and try and throw the stranger into the cell as well, he shows Evrytt why his guts told him this man was bad news. Two dead deputies later, and Evrytt finds himself with a shotgun in hand, running through town with a stranger blowing away Byrd's loyal goons. As if that isn't enough the hitcher's dog is right in there with the two men, body for body.
When the smoke clears the neutral townsfolk are hiding in their homes while all Bryrd's men have gone to meet their maker. As they walk to get his rig, Evrytt tells the hitcher he's crazy, this was madness. The hitcher just laughs as they walk over to the town graveyard, and the hitcher points to where they were already digging his grave. Confused Evrytt asks the man how he knew, and the stranger says, because I've been down this road before, and every bad turn deserves another.
1.06 - The Devil's Playground
Two young unmarried couples are treking through the southwest to get away from the pressure of their college schedules. Despite the unrelenting heat and the warnings of locals the foolhardy, thrillseeking, and intensely physical foursome decide to cross a relatively small section of desert referred to as The Devil's Playground.
Local legend has it that as part of some plea bargain the Devil himself is allowed to roam only this small section of land and prey on anyone who was warned but decided to tempt fate. The college crew speculate on why the locals really don't want any one crossing this area, ideas such as lost treasure, aliens, and even an illegal desert beer party are suggested. No one happens to mention evil incarnate.
Soon the distance begins to wear on the group and they are forced to camp at night. All is well until the clock strikes midnight (loud and clear, which is weird since obviously there is no clock around). The eerie sound wakes the couples up, and swirling bats, raised wind, and the sound of hoofprints approaching are enough to spook them into action. Remembering having passed a dry well and a crumbling half wall of bricks a few hundred yards back, they decide to run in hopes of shelter.
The steed is obsidian black, with curves that disappear against the night sky. The rider sits staunch upright, impossibly tall and broad shouldered, eyes glowing red, horned helmet a tribute to the twisted thoughts of mankind.
Despite their superior athletic ability they are no match for the rider and his scimitar, the curved blade finding a home in first one and then the second man's heart.
He is toying with them but the women survive long enough to get their Daisy Duke clad legs, into the dry well, using the rope hanging in the middle to slow their descent.
At the bottom of the well they hear the cries of anguish from above, they have survived the devil's clutches, at least temporarily. As their soft blue eyes adjust to the darkness they realize they are not alone, judging by two other sets of yellow eyes twinkling before them. A soft blue light soon eminates from the hands of the shorter of the two creatures; half-man, half twisted scientific nightmares. They reveal to the girls that they are the Devil's pawns and they are going to score points by returning them to the surface for him to devour, as he is limited to the ground above. Thinking quickly they turn to evil's propensity for gluttony, lust, and envy and entice the pawns with their earthly charms.
The blue light is extinguished and we hear some movement and some panting before the girls say they have a surprise for the pawns. The pawns uneasy with that scenario chicken out and the blue light illuminates the bottom of the well once more. The Devil's two minions gasp as they see themselves face to face with a pair of grotesque shape changing dooplegangers who reach out and rip the hearts out from the pawns. They laugh, change back into the girls they were before and one says to the other, "now we just have to wait until dawn when the devil will be gone and we will be free to get out of here." To which the other replies in a sexy, naughty voice, "whatever will we do to entertain us in the meantime". Evil laughter.
1.07 - Best Served Cold
The man they call Stryker has made his peace with the world, or at least come to grips with the violence that he has wrought. Awaiting his turn for the lethal injection in the year 2020 isn't nearly as bad as decades ago. The constitution guarantees a speedy trial process, and if you evoke those rights you now also limit the length of your appeal process. It's a catch 22 though because if you don't evoke your right to a speedy trial you could wait in a prison for up to two years awaiting trial.
Stryker took his chances, and as usual rolled snake eyes.
He had heard the crazy rumors about this place but failed to believe them. Not sure what difference it might have been except a man who believes he will die in 30 days is a lot less likely to take care of himself then a man who is about to fight for his life.
Stryker doesn't remember any light coming for him as the drugs coursed through his veins and he fully expected to meet his maker...but he does remember the lights and the pounding headache when he awoke in a private infirmiry surrounded by the warden, the doctor, and the head of the screws.
It was all true. Some sort of evil, perhaps mythological, creature lived under the prison in a series of catacombs it had burrowed. As the doctor prepares Stryker for one final round of violence, the warden explains the situation.
Only in this hell hole can he and the screws get away with the kind of punishment and discipline they use to rule the prisoners. Discipline that Stryker wears all over his body in the form of scars and still open wounds. Once this place is closed down and moved to a more modern facility with proper electronic surveillance the glory days will be gone. So reporting the creature or even the catacombs would result in disaster for the warden. However, they have discovered that as long as the creature's hunger is satisfied that he does not try and burrow into the complex. Sending down two or three death row prisoners every week already presumed dead has seemed to have done the trick. There is the tricky part of not having a body, but most of the prisoners, like Stryker, have no family that cares for the expense of a proper burial. They are thrilled when the state offers to cremate the prisoner free of charge.
The doctor injects Stryker with a double shot of adreneline and the head screw keeps his gun aimed right at the back of the prisoner's head.
Thus, Stryker, like many of society's lost souls is sent to do battle against the unknown creature. As he begins to make his way through the catacombs Stryker remembers what the warden said about the prison not having proper electronic surveillance. He wonders aloud how they would react if he just turned around and took the fight to them. He stops, and begins to turn when he smells it and hears it at the same time..the roar...the breath poisoned by rotting flesh in its teeth...
1.08 - Wearing the Pants in the Family
When an innocent courier tries to do the right thing and tips the FBI to suspected terrorists after he delivered a package to them, the Feds jam him up on charges instead.
It's up to his sexy yet deadly wife to rescue him by proving his innocence. First she uses her charms to get the information she needs, then she uses the real big guns to exact out the revenge on the Muslim terrorists. She's determined not to make the same mistake as her husband though and simply tip off the feds, instead she has brought with her a duffle bag for evidence....lots of evidence.
1.09 Chop Radio
A small tme DJ working the midnight shift comes under siege as the world around him explodes into violence. As he barracades his doors and fights off an infestation of other worldly beasts and demons he tries to stay on the air and gather information from viewers calling in during this apparent apocolypse. His ultimate salvation seems to center around the pending arrival of a couple sexy sounding sorority girls from up state trying to make their way to the radio station with more guns and ammo. Yes, it sounds suspicious and too good to be true, and that's exactly what our hero worries about as he asks himself, what choice do I have?
1.10 Blonde Bombshells
Rick Andrews is not just any whacked out religious cult leader, he's a religious cult leader who combines the best of science and revelations. To this end he takes his life's savings (and the life savings of his followers), and retires to a private island along with 100 natural blondes (52 female, 48 male).
Driven to insanity by a study which shows that blondes will be extint in a little less then 200 years, he is devising a utopia to keep the fair hair people alive.
This however does not sit well with Jon Bjornsson, Swedish by birth, whose only daughter is one of the 52 young ladies to follow Andrews from his compound to the new island.
The good news is that since Andrews is no longer living in the United States, the legal problems Bjornsson was having trying to get his 22 year old daughter away no longer apply.
This pissed off father gathers his shotguns, and his two sons, and heads to the island of blondes to get his only daughter back. But what he might be failing to take into account is how his two fair sons will react when they encounter this blonde tropical utopia, and their charismic leader.
Will Bjornsson gain a daughter, or lose two sons?
1.11 - Blood Bowl
Brandon Buckner is a typical all-American teenager. He likes baseball, rugby, riding his bike, dreams of owning his own car, sneaks a peak at Playboys, and is obsessed with comic books.
But Brandon's life changes when he finds a worm-hole that transports him to a mediveal parallel world of magic and might.
The poor teenager finds himself as part of a bloody and violent competiton known as Blood Bowl.
Now he must take an underdog team of misfits; a cowardly Knight, a hot Valkrie princess, a pair of siamese twin dwarfs, and other assorted rabble against an undefeated team of Orcs and a Dragon Overlord in this deadly contest. Brandon has foolishly been tricked into becoming the team Captain not knowing that the price of losing is the head of the captain.
The Warlock Baron who owns the lands and the Bloodbowl team Brandon finds himself teleported onto, has promised the youngster that if he wins he will allow him to return to his Earth. But Brandon finds out from the Valkrye that he is being tricked and that if in the unlikely event that Brandon's team should win, he will be bound in servitude to the Baron and forced to continue his role as Captain of the BloodBowl team.
Brandon must face the choice of staying and fighting for glory, or attempting a daring escape led by the scantily clad Valkrye princess who wants to flee with him to Earth, leaving the team behind to a certain loss.
It's time to get medieval.
note; BloodBowl has also been noted as a possible spin-off show of its own in 2007-08.